I am watching myself as I laugh, cry and echo memories while exploring old houses, passing smokes while watching the sun meet the horizon.
The darkness has always drawn me in and it’s cold depths freeze my toes as I look to the night sky and connect sparkling dots, wishing that I understood why.
I stare into the eyes of someone in bed next to me and search for their soul. In a daze of tranquility, they ask me what’s wrong and I reply, “Nothing.”
Is that all that waits for me? Is there eternal light on the other side? Or is it black as a spade, darker than the unknown before birth and non-existence?
And how will it feel when the haunted dreams of a life lived well suddenly disintegrate? My last breath; will I breathe God, or the final kiss of a kindred soul?
Will there be a chance to say goodbye, or will the natural order of things take me? Before there is a chance, before the timeline ends, I reflect back on myself.
A hallway within a hallway, and the door at the end opens gently. “It’s over,” a female voice tells me. She sounds like a mother.
When the woman reaches out her hand, I look into her face and ask, “Why?” She opens her mouth to give me the answer and then there is nothing.
Septemeber 15, 2015